Learning to Play

I came to a realization yesterday that is both eye opening and heartbreaking at the same time. I took my oldest son, Blaine, out for ice cream yesterday and while we sat on the bench beside talking about our favorite Bey-blade and Pokemon I realized.... we had never done that before! 

Two weeks after I gave birth to Blaine I returned to school and then started a new job only four weeks after that. For the next four years I juggled college, a full time job, and a family. I always thought I did a pretty good job: the house was clean, supper was cooked, my grades were good, and I stayed on top of paperwork at the office. Yesterday showed me that I had failed in one major area: being a good mother to my son. 

Yes, did take him to the occasional birthday party and bought him a toy when shopping at Wal-Mart. I read books with him before bed time and talked about cartoons when we traveled in the car. But I never took him to the park just to run around with him, I never actually sat down and watched cartoons with him, I never helped him play with the toys we bought. Point blank, I failed at being a mother.

Now that I have Levy around and time off from any other responsibilities besides my kids and my family I can see what I have been doing wrong for all those years. As of today my goal in life is not to start a career or be debt free in 6 years. My goal in life is to be a good mother to both my boys and a good wife to my husband. My goal is go to the park and slide down the slide, catch lightening bugs in a jar, watch cartoons, and spend every precious moment I can with my two kids.